BeamNG In An Alternate Universe

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Danny Werewolf, Jan 10, 2019.

  1. Danny Werewolf

    Danny Werewolf
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    The game requires constant internet connection to even play a map, even without multiplayer added.
     
  2. Nathan24™

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    Drag spec variants for all the cars ingame.
     
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  3. General S'mores

    General S'mores
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    The game is a more "GTA meets Forza Horizon meets car simulators meets RL", and includes a plot, characters, and additional features like the ability to drive real cars, or to race against other players on any form of terrain.
     
  4. Calarist

    Calarist
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    It still runs on an updated version of CryEngine3
     
  5. Jota3214™

    Jota3214™
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    The game is published by LJN/Acclaim, the worst company of all time, and it's only available for the NES, PC, SNES and GameBoy.
    The game received poor reviews from critics, and it got even reviewed by the AVGN, which he simply said:
    "The worst game ever."

    Because the graphics are bad, the sounds are irritating, it's not made as a crash simulator and you can only drive a red pixelated car which is the Pessima, the rest cars are yellow shit and it only has 1 map:
    Grid, Small, Pure.

    The music on the menu is also irritating, a 1 piece track that's completely ripped off from Metallica's Master Of Puppets.
     
  6. Alewyx

    Alewyx
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    Traffic mode for AI, like gta5 with bad drivers
     
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  7. General S'mores

    General S'mores
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    It also has character modability, so there became a sub-category of character mods.
     
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  8. Jota3214™

    Jota3214™
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    Oh, I forgot the mods about this LJN/Acclaim version.

    You need to call 555-ASS-GAME-MODS so you can get mods for the game, and all the mods are bad.
     
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  9. Alewyx

    Alewyx
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    "Thanis" config for d series not purple, it more of a pink
     
  10. NistingurA

    NistingurA
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    In an alternate universe, Beam would´ve been a simplified version, that ran on PS2 and was a direct competitor to Test drive Eve of destruction etc. A few years later a port to PC was planned and was a rival to Flatout 2.

    Tho because Beams difficult working and boring career mode, the game wasn´t a huge success. And the PC port was kinda bad , making it a rather forgetable title, even tho it (for the PS2 area) had massive open worlds, detailed car models and realistic physics.
     
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  11. vmlinuz

    vmlinuz
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    Sans Undertale makes a cameo appearance in West Coast USA.
     
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  12. Danny Werewolf

    Danny Werewolf
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    You have to spend real money to reset your vehicle.
     
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  13. General S'mores

    General S'mores
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    Autobello was founded way back in the 1900s, instead of the 40s.
     
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  14. Car8john

    Car8john
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    BeamNG Alernate Universe:
    -The BeamNG team all moved to Britain before developing the game
    -They partner with Jaguar to get them to wire their computers
    -Jaguar still uses shitty wiring, the game is delayed
    -Due to frustration, Nadeox1 and Gabester make BeamNG one giant code breaking mōd for Rigs of Rods available exclusively on Russian mōd sites, and, suprise, Gabester is Russian in this universe
    -the Gavril D series would actually become the only vehicle in BeamNG mōd due to packing constraints
    -the Italy map is really a remake of the Greece map by nadeox, but with a spawnpoint moved by 5 meters so no one notices
    -Ivan becomes head of public relations for the BeamNG drive team, he then leaks the entire BeamNG mōd to rival Russian mōd sites
    -the BeamNG mōd has broken into a mess of no texture screens flooding Rig of Rods
    -a civil war breaks out as BeamNG rips itself into two seperate rig of rods based mods
    -BeamNG Prime, now battles NodeGN Max, in desperate efforts to destroy each other and both become the best damage simulating game to exist
    -in a Suprising twist, SpinTires II re-releases itself and leaves both of the two mōd-based games in the dust
    -the violent riots of battling discord servers from Friday BeamNG Prime and NodeGN Max game fans becomes so intense the US Gouvernment must intervene to avoid national emergency
    -plot twist: discord was actually run by Ivan the whole time, he uses this to his advantage, and makes entire copies of both games and then illegally sends copies to the Cayman Islands where he pawns them off in a flea market for 7 cents a piece
    -BeamNG Prime is on the verge of destruction from NodeGN Max, when all of a sudden The Crew 2 and 1/2 is released on the Windows 7 Xbox combo gaming system, and copies code from both games, it becomes the second most popular deformation based game on the market, beat only by SpinTires II re-re-release
    -eventually both BeamNG clones merge together to make a Frankenstein game where all maps are cut, copied, and pasted into a ragged and unrefined poly mesh where roads become nearly undrivable
    -the code for the JBeam is forgotten in the Frankenstein process, Russian mods become the new best quality mods available for the game
    -Ivan becomes rich for selling mods for DLCs in the game, he is rehired for the job of 'Chief Counterscamming Officer', he immediately steals the entire game and sells it to a furry cult for a reported 17 and a half dollars and fifteen minutes alone with their leader
    -the furry fan cult quickly turns it into a wonderful game known as VR Chatt where players run into each other and experiance quality character deformation
    -the game is bought by Facebook, for an undisclosed amount of followers
    -Facebook is bought by Russian porn stars, who see value in online porn, they turn it into Assbook
    -VR Chatt becomes the leading sexually orientated vehicle deformation game available, it breaks records worldwide
    -Assbook and VR Chatt XXX is banned from most developed countries, illegal importing becomes the largest border crisis in America SICNE the drug epidemic
    -Ivan returns to import VR Chatt XXX into USA by throwing copies over the US-Mexico border wall
    -Ivan is shot in the line of duty, 1 like = 1 prayer for his brave soul
    -Ivan has a son who intends to carry on his legacy, suprise, his son is named Ben Shapiro
    -Ben Shapiro eliminates all liberals and becomes the richest illegal game importer ever
    -Ben Shapiro returns the rights to VR Chatt XXX to the original BeamNG dev team, they later burn every single copy and now all reside in an unknown mental hospital after being unable to cope with the horrors of the cancerous game


    God, don't we all love the world we live in?
     
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  15. crashmaster

    crashmaster
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    a universe where Beamng is re-creating atomic structures and creating the perfect simulator in the same way life itself works on atomic levels.
    Every "node" is an atom, with each its properties.
    a universe where quantum computer is our everyday pc.
    I cant even start to think the amount of performance these electronics must ave. o_O :eek:

    But Beamng would not have map sizes limit either.
    all the environment destructible and mud deformation.

    NO limits.. ;)
     
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  16. stephen f

    stephen f
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    We would have something with actual game play and decent ui....
     
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  17. Danny Werewolf

    Danny Werewolf
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    You know it's bad when an OG forum member comes here just to say that.
     
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  18. CaptainZoll

    CaptainZoll
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    -back in late 2017, EA bought BeamNG
    -in July 2018, Amazon, (now renamed "Jeff Bezos Co.") buys EA
    -at this point, Jeff Bezos Co. owns 90% of world GDP, and has established his own country with a tyrannic rule over the whole world
    -after an update to beamNG, you are able to export BeamNG cars to Need For Speed.
    -immediately, NFS payback is flooded with time trial records from 60,000hp meshslap cars
    -EA tries desperately to delete BeamNG from existence, but hackers keep posting copies of it everywhere
    -Jeff bezos sees this and shuts down the internet, in an attempt to rid the universe of this monstrosity
    -Ivan Iochkov hacks into Jeff Bezos Co.'s servers, and replaces Jeff Bezos's name in all the documents to his name
    -Ivan Iochkov becomes ruler of the world
    - creates new soviet union
    - Elon musk is in charge of making a people's car
    - Iochkov demands that he makes IRL meshslap supercars, based directly off beamng mods.
    -Musk starts making chassis based off grand marshals, and then puts up-scaled Bugatti veyron bodies on them made out of tinfoil
    -when it is released to the public, 12y/os immediately all place orders for new cars
    -while this is happening, the people are forming a rebellion against the new USSR
    -Iochkov's army goes after them, its fleet consisting of millions of tank-drones built on top of pigeon chassis
    -After fleeing on a small fishing boat over the atlantic ocean, Tdev finds gabester, barely able to move as his RSI worsened from fighting Iochkov's pigeon-drones. Tdev tries to persuade gabester to help to shut them down, as, being the creator of the pigeon, he knows its inner workings. after a wave of drone attacks, however, gabester is left wounded beyond his ability to live. before dying, he instructs TDev to find Jalkku, his disciple, explaining that he has passed all his information on. after trekking back to bremen, he discovers that jalkku had fled, and taken all of the hard drives with him. TDev quickly figured out that he had gone back to his homeland, so he went west, journeying closer to finland, knowing how close was to moscow, Iochkov's home base. after finding out that finland managed to break free from the new USSR already, TDev swiftly made his way towards Jalkku's home town, vaguely remembering the address from a discussion they had a few years ago. When TDev finally found him, he discovered a massive fortress built around the town, and jalkku inside his house, sipping on a cup of coffee, typing out code. upon entering the house, jalkku informed him that they had started work on an attempt to defeat Iochkov - dubbed BeamngNG, but jalkku explained that they needed to write a new source code, as the current version could have easily been reverse engineered by Iochkov's goons. hearing this, TDev started work on remaking the game engine in vulkan, but realised he needed help. After making a cup of coffee for him, Jalkku handed TDev the keys to an e100 corolla, then went back inside and continued coding. TDev set off once again, cup of coffee in his hand, embarking on another great pilgramage, this time to find Pricorde - the only person who could help him. After trekking for many moons, TDev finally found a secluded temple in bhutan, where he found Pricorde meditating. After informing Pricorde of the issue, Pricorde opens his eyes, pulls a dusty old harddrive out of his robe, hands it to TDev, and simply says "just use rigs of rods lol." At this, he shut his eyes once again, going back into a semi conscious state. TDev searched through the hard-drive, and found a copy- a buggy, unreleased dev build of the game. he shoved it into his backpack made his way back to the fortress in finland. upon returning, TDev explained the situation to Jalkku, and he immediately started working on porting the pigeon to RoR, in hope of finally ending this chaos that has befallen the world. after yet another 2 days of work, Jalkku had successfully made the pigeon extremely floppy, and TDev, with a coffee machine at his side, had managed to single-handedly port rigs of rods to Vulkan, and make the AI even worse than that of recen BeamNG, optimising it enough to take over Iochkov's pigeon drones. both of them got in the car, and set off for moscow, going around via siberia. once they got to a small village, they paid a farmer to trade his veyron-grand marshall for the corolla, and they continued forward, incognito. they sneaked into moscow, and, after making their way into the building housing the ex-bezos co's servers, they found beamng, and replaced it with beamngNG. after rushing out of the bulding, they noticed that, despite raising the alarm, no drones came after them. a chuckle of relief came from both of thm, as they realised what they had done!
    -the people overthrow the new USSR, Ivan falls, land is broke breaks up into smaller countries
    -everything goes back to normal, except BeamNG has their own country in central europe.
    -mfw
     
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  19. BannedByAndroid

    BannedByAndroid
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    what the hell is going on with crazy stories with ben shapiro suddenly in it


    OT: No idea.
    "EA-ACTIVISON-BMW PRESENTS: ALL NEW BEAM NG 2 SOFTBODY BOOGALOO!, NOW WITH 200-CAR BATTLE ROYALE MODE AND FUNKY MODE! STARRING LIL PUMP, JAKE PAUL, KIM JONG UN AND DESPACITO 69! FEATURING DANTE FROM THE DMC SERIES AND LARICER FROM FORZA HORIZON 666! NOW AVAILABLE FOR A CHEAP PRICE OF 420 NORTH KOREAN RUBLES! FORTNITE-MINECRAFT THEMED DLC COMING SOON!"
     
    #39 BannedByAndroid, Jan 11, 2019
    Last edited: Jan 11, 2019
  20. Calarist

    Calarist
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    - BeamNG still runs on CryEngine 3
    - Gets released on console in 2014
    - It is rather rushed and buggy
    - It falls into obscurity
    - The forums get shut down in 2017
    // Fast forward one year \\
    - ModsGaming.ru is still making mods for the game
    - They are based off of the jbeams of the six cars (D-Series, Covet, Moonhawk, Bolide, Grand Marshall, and H-Series) that came with the game
    - Game comes back in style
    - Ivan monetizes the mods
    - Gets sued by the Devs and loses
    - Devs start making new content for PC version
    - The game starts selling very well again
    // Fast forward to 2025 \\
    - BeamNG GmbH becomes a company valued at $20B
    - BeamNG GmbH has starting making and publishing new racing and car games
    - BeamNG.drive 2 comes out
    - The company earns $20M on launch day
    - The game becomes the game of the year
    // Fast forward to 2050 \\
    - BeamNG dominates the automotive game industry
    - Ivan hacks into the corporate bank account and takes all of the money
    - Ivan hacks into Bill Gates's (who is somehow still alive) bank account and takes all of his money
    - Ivan buys Microsoft
    - Ivan takes over world
    // Fast forward to 2070 \\
    - A civil war breaks out against the population of the world and Ivan
    - A terribly Jbeamed fortress protects him
    - Gabester, now half cyborg, finished Soliad Wendover (finally) and drives under fortress
    - Angular shape flips the fortress, crashing it
    - A glitchy mess of polygons that used to be the fortress transport Ivan into the sun
    - The tyranny is overthrown
    // Fast forward to 2080 \\
    - The population all dies because everyone was too busy crashing the Wendover to farm or work on infrastructure or anything.
     
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