Friends, After what transpired over the past week in various discord servers, I cannot help but feel I am personally to blame for just about everything in one way or another. I have tried to argue for my innocence for my own sake both in the past and after the current confusion, but after a long sleepless night thinking it over, I realize I may have been in the wrong the whole time. I’ve been emotionally drained and completely unmotivated since mid-last year through unrelated personal issues and setbacks. Because of this I have been completely neglecting to even logon to beam for weeks or even months at a time. Playing forza with friends and building computers are about the only things that take my mind off things. Although not at 100%, I should not have let it affect the way I look at people and the actions they choose to take, like what happened in the other servers. I know I could’ve done so much more to help solve or even completely fix the past transgressions. I could’ve looked back on message history and see the whole story. I could’ve been more direct in getting my message through. I could’ve stayed in the server to help talk things out instead of leaving and hoping that if I couldn’t see it, the issue would go away. Clearly, hindsight is 20/20. I know that my contributions to the project have been helpful. But thinking about it now, there’s literally nothing I do that’s special or unique to me. Anybody else can take up the mantle and be a mod tester just as good or even better. Looking back at it now though, I feel that that’s been a bit of a problem with the group as a whole lately (not posting feedback on betas). Although I guess it all started when I lost the drive to do videos to keep our community interested. Although I would like to defend myself, I cannot stop you from putting the blame on me. One inexcusable flaw that I know I have and that I’ve been putting off admitting for so long is the fact that I’m certain that I’ve lost my respect with the group. I’ve been driving at least some iteration of the crd since before even flying started working on it. Once the crd went fully public, I continued showing the old mod in my videos. I never shared the files in ‘respect’ for flyings hard work. But I’ve failed to realize until now that having been showing the old mod at all is in fact the opposite of respect. Just about every single issue since then can be traced to me having used the old mod at some point or another when nobody else was allowed to. Take out any past issues that started with me using something old, and instantly the mod’s history is so much nicer and smooth sailing. I’m not going to call anyone out for their actions or anyone who’s caused the group grief. I am not asking for acceptance or forgiveness. I only ask for a fresh start for the sake of all of us. I hope that after a bit, we can all get together once again to make something truly great. I do not want all of the hard work that was put into the mod so far to go to waste. Maybe in my sleepless, disillusioned thought process, I’m thinking this letter can save face and keep the good momentum we had going. But if a long or permanent break and a fresh start really is needed, then I will respect that choice and not try to get in the way of it. One thing that was lost among us as of late is that flying is the mods lifeblood, and he gets the #1 say in everything. Maybe that sounds a bit tyrannical, but its true. The mod would be nowhere without him, and I feel respect for that has been forgotten not only by me, but others as well. You may disagree with my statements, saying that I am not entirely or even partly to blame for any of the past, present, or even future problems or setbacks. But I’ve made up my mind. I wish to have no more pent up feelings about any users related to the mod or to flying. Any actions, words, or indirect conflicts that was done in the past is forgiven. And for anybody who feels that I held the project back or actively hurt it, I am sorry. Do not take my letter or my leave personally. It is nothing against anybody. I just need to take some time to gather myself back up from the whole debacle. For the past several months, I know that even though I tried to help and stay positive about things and situations, it wasn’t sincere. I’m going to take several weeks or even months leave from beam by completely uninstalling it. I will also stay off the forums as well. Not that I would respond to any reply to this anyways (not a problem with anybody here, just that the beam forum notification system has been completely broken for me since forever, and I most likely wouldn’t even know you replied to me ). I ask that you please refrain from sending me dms about either any past subject or my leave. This is something I’ve needed to do for awhile. Thanks, George
